幽默英语演讲开场稿范文合集3篇 英文演讲稿开场白幽默
演讲稿可以帮助发言者更好的表达。在快速变化和不断变革的新时代，能够利用到演讲稿的场合越来越多，相信写演讲稿是一个让许多人都头痛的问题。下面是范文网小编收集的幽默英语演讲开场稿范文合集3篇 英文演讲稿开场白幽默，供大家赏析。
七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿 do you like stories? i want to tell you a true happened to a friend of mine a year my friend ,george, was reading in bed, two thieves climbed into his they had entered the house, they went into the dining was very dark, so they turned on a , they heard a voice behind them.‘what’s up? what’s up?’someone thieves dropped the torch and ran away as quickly as they heard the noise and came downstairs turned on the light, but he couldn’t see thieves had already george’s parrot, hey, was still there.‘what’s up, george?’he called.‘nothing, hey.’george said and smiled.‘go back to sleep.’篇二：初中英语演讲幽默故事 bighead “wheres the shopping bag?”
“i havent got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” good boy little robert asked his mother for two did you do with the money i gave you yesterday? i gave it to a poor old woman, he a good boy, said the mother are two cents why are you so interested in the old woman? she is the one who sells the candy.好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。” where is the father? two brothers were looking at some beautiful , said the elder nice these paintings are!yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the is the father? the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, obviously he was painting the pictures.父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” an alarm clock a young man went to a mountain village for his night he stayed at a small hotel near a train going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ excuse me, you please wake me up at a quarter to five? im going to take the five oclock train tomorrow morning.”
“ oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ i am afraid i dont get up that early.” the young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ do you have an alarm clock? that would help me.”
“ yes, here it is, young man.”
the young man took the clock happily and thanked the old when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.“ does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.“ sure!just shake it when its time to get up, and itll ring.”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。
上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”
“我有，给你，年轻人。”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。” one engine left a 747 was halfway across the atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, attention, have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach london with the three we have , we will arrive an hour late as a r thereafter, the passengers heard the captains voice again, guess what, just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only will now arrive in london three hours this point, one passenger became petes sake, he shouted, if we lose another engine, well be up here all night!只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”篇三：英语演讲幽默开场白
英语演讲幽默开场白
作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being it really no suffer from 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常
紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain ’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a ’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
*In a Humorous Way
#幽默式开场欣赏
my respected comrades, I think when my name Marx Gorky is mentioned here, some measuring modifiers such as “great” “noble” “tall” will be added to we always overemphasize and boast a certain person, we will neglect the achievements others made and the importance of others wonder if you have ever thought of believe 'm not talking high language on purpose nor am I making myself some important reasons, I have to speak , there are great difference between our ages, but we share the same mother─children of all literature of Soviet the value and the authors' achievements is up to the commenting on a piece of works of literature is up to the critic.敬爱的同志们，我觉得，提到高尔基的名字时，常常会加上一些度量的形容词，如“伟大的”、“高尚的”、“高大的”等等。如果老是过分地强调和抬高一个人物，我们就会使别人的成就和重要性失去光彩，这一点，你们没有想到吧？请相信我，我并不是故意讲漂亮话，也不是装模作样。有许多重要的原因使我不能不说这些话。打个比方说，在这里，我们大家的年龄尽管相差很大，然而都是同一个很年轻的母亲──全苏联文学的孩子。
衡量一个作家的成就，是读者的事；说明一部文学作品的社会意义是批评家的事。
good morning，boys and girls!i’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech!to begin with ,i want to pop a everybody dream a good dream last night? actually ,today i want to talk about dream with course, what i want to talk is not a dream you have last night,but a dream about one has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners,we can chart our course by the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer the dream, there is hope,with hope, we have the strength to is tough,and there are always ups and downs, maybe we fail in the way to our aims,and we may feel depressed ,whenever at this time, the dream in our heart can always confort us, encourage us ,and support us to move bear in mind your dream and never give up your dream into the great people’s experiences, you may find the truth that good dream makes a good one, because there is nothing like a dream to create the future and build up our body.你会发现真理，好梦是好的，因为没有什么比梦想更能创造未来，建立我们的身体。最后，我想建议。有一个梦想，追求它。要明智地使用你的时间，做你应该做什么来让你的梦想成真。虽然这是一个很辛苦的工作来顶你的梦想山，但俗话说，“山的高度，但男人使峰值”。只要我们坚持，我们将最终实现它。
dreams?are sent by zeus.梦想，是来自宙斯的礼物。（荷马）if you can dream it, you can do it.有梦者事竟成。（沃特）
你的生活深度取决于你对年幼者的呵护，对年长者的同情，对奋斗者的怜悯体恤，对弱者及强者的包容。因为生命中总有一天你会发现其中每一个角色你都扮演过。（乔治·华盛顿）
“梦想有两扇门，”在奥德修斯结束了十年的漂泊后，潘尼洛对他说，“一扇是号角制成，一扇是象牙制成。通过精雕细缕的象牙门得梦想不过是一场会归于无的海市蜃楼的童话；而那些通过磨砺的号角门的梦想才会成为真实，为人所见。” faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed.当还缺乏产生信仰的足够理由时，要用信念去包涵。模棱两可不足以支持一个信仰。（伏尔泰）
as wishes may inspire dreams, so dreams may inspire wishes.正如心愿能够激发梦想，梦想也能够激发心愿。
how to get happiness 如何获得快乐
there is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the it, life will be empty and you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the following two , health is the secret of happiness(the key to happiness).only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of , happiness consists in man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.无疑的快乐是世界上最宝贵的东西。没有它，人生将是空虚的而且毫无意义的。如果你希望知道如何获得快乐，你须注意下面两点。
健康是快乐的要诀。唯有身体强壮的人才能享受人生的乐趣。
快乐在于知足。一个不满于现状的人终是处在痛苦之中。the value of time 爱惜时光
an english proverb says that time is consider it(this)? because we all know that we can earn money be work but can not in any way get back time(in anyway).for this reason, we may(can)say that time is more valuable than people do not know the value of (this)is indeed a great must bear(keep)in mind that wasting time is equal to wasting your life.英国有句谚语说，时间就是金钱。我认为这是不对的。为什么？因为我们大家都知道我们能够用工作赚钱，但无论如何却无法把时间争取回来。基于此种理由，我们可以说时间比钱钱更宝贵。许多人不知爱惜时光。这确实是可惜的。我们必须记住浪费时间等于浪费生命。ladies and gentlemen, good morning!i’m very glad to stand here and give you a short to say future? maybe it’s a nice make up our minds, stick to it and surely well enjoy our life.女士们，先生们，早上好！我很高兴站在这里给你一个简短的讲话。人的一生是一个成长的过程，其实我站在这里是一个增长。如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，你知道我来这里，现在我想知道未来的我。当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来，一切从这里开始。下面我将学习如何成为一个男人，一个综合的人，谁拥有优良的机构，可以承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是缝纫，你是设计师；永远不要忘记你所能展示给人们的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的个性与我的兴趣和能力到我的研究，在这些过程中我将学习与工作结合起来。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。并且我深信我的亲人，良好的友情和爱情的完美和幸福的未来。怎么说的未来？也许这是一个美好的愿望。让我们下定决心，坚持到底，好好的享受生活。